


Trust is a part of love

by Melted_instant_noodles



Category: 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい | 30-sai Made Doutei da to Mahou Tsukai ni Nareru Rashii (TV), 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい | Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! (Manga)
Genre: Anxiety, Established Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27644192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melted_instant_noodles/pseuds/Melted_instant_noodles
Summary: According to Adachi, Kurosawa did not sign up for this. Adachi tries to hide his anxiety and panic from Kurosawa.
Relationships: Adachi Kiyoshi/Kurosawa Yuichi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 252





	Trust is a part of love

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write about how Adachi might be affected by panic/anxiety. I didn't go into detail about the exact issues Adachi would face, just the general description of how they will try to face it together.

According to Adachi, Kurosawa did not sign up for this.

Adachi's mind was a mess. He was paralysed by panic, and was trying hard not to have meltdown. 

He could not even safely say that he had not anticipated this. The day before, while grocery shopping, Adachi asked Kurosawa what he wanted for breakfast. 

Kurosawa had a look on his face that suggested his answer might be Adachi himself, but Adachi gave him a look that asked for a proper answer. 

Kurosawa's answer wasn't that proper, now that he thought about it. "I will always eat anything you make," Kurosawa replied seriously. 

Adachi narrowed his eyes at the full course meal he made. He had practiced making everything from scratch, and decided whether or not it was cruel to feed Kurosawa burnt rice the next time he said something like that. 

They took turns making meals, but more often than not, they cooked and ate together. They stayed up waiting for each other if one came back late. 

The first few times, after their wedding, Adachi suffered sleepless nights when Kurosawa had to travel for business. He couldn't even hide it because Kurosawa had noticed his eyebags instantly and he fell asleep on Kurosawa right after greeting him. 

They exercised together but Kurosawa always added extra strength training. He liked carrying his spouse, and liked Adachi admiring his figure. 

To Adachi, Kurosawa really was Mr Perfect. 

He could take care of the house, take care of himself, was friendly, good at work, willing to listen to Adachi's ramblings, knew what to say most of the time, good at social situations, had actually put in the effort to learn what Adachi liked and disliked, willing to share his thoughts and emotions with Adachi — 

And now, Adachi found himself squatting down behind the chairs, trying to coax his lungs into working. 

He made a mental note of things: The breakfast was done and covered, cookware and dishes were washed and drying on the rack, Kurosawa was sleeping in, and Adachi was physically alright. 

Okay. That was okay. Adachi released a long breath, and was grateful that Kurosawa didn't have to see him like this. 

Adachi had always experienced things like this. Kurosawa knew about his low self-esteem, but so far he hadn't noticed this, mostly because Adachi tried his best not to show it in front of him. 

Adachi was used to hiding this. He played it off a million different ways, trying to be extra quiet in his corner, running around doing miscellaneous tasks, fidgeting with his stationery, all to keep himself from tensing up. 

Adachi closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, held it, and exhaled. He opened his eyes to see a pair of slippered feet walking to the dining table. "Kiyoshi?" Kurosawa's slight frown cleared when he spotted Adachi. 

"Do you need help?" Kurosawa said. Adachi, who had been staring at him with wide eyes, shook his head and smiled. "Good morning, Yuichi," said Adachi softly, standing up. Kurosawa melted at his husband's expression. "Good morning," he replied. They smiled at each other for a moment, Adachi calming down just looking at Kurosawa. 

Unfortunately, Adachi went through this experience a few more times over the months. 

One of the most heart-stopping moments was when it happened with Kurosawa in the same room. Adachi barely had time to school his features before Kurosawa looked over. 

His heart was still pounding, his hands still locked onto the pencil he was drawing with, and he was definitely not breathing properly. 

But his expression must've convinced his husband, he thought desperately, though seeing Kurosawa blink and turn back to his phone made him sad and thankful at the same time. 

Adachi knew that he couldn't avoid the topic forever. But he wasn't sure how to broach it to Kurosawa. They had a long, overdue conversation when Kurosawa had woken to find the bed empty. He thought that Adachi was using the toilet, but realised that the bed was cold. 

Kurosawa found Adachi sitting on the sofa in the dark, in the middle of the night. The curtains were partially open, and the dim light showed how tense Adachi was. 

Kurosawa watched as Adachi sighed, and buried his face in his hands. Adachi sensed his presence, as he turned to look at Kurosawa. "You should be asleep," he said softly. 

"You weren't there," Kurosawa said, as he slipped next to Adachi. He left some space between them. Adachi stayed where he was. 

Adachi continued staring outside. After a while, he spoke. "I love you." Kurosawa said quietly, "I love you too." 

"Which is why that this," Adachi took a deep breath, "is unfair to you." Kurosawa blinked at Adachi. He wasn't sure if he was simply too tired to understand his husband, as Adachi wasn't making sense. 

Adachi seemed to understand his confusion, as he continued carefully. "You know about my low self-esteem. You've seen me improve over time. But this isn't something that will ever completely...disappear." 

Kurosawa kept quiet. He watched Adachi's conflicted expression, shadowed in flickering moonlight, as he pondered how to phrase his thoughts. 

"You really are too good for me. That's why sometimes I...don't want to go to you. I don't want to trouble you with...this. I love you too much to see you unhappy, and I don't want you to be unhappy over me." 

Kurosawa remained silent. Adachi was apologising. "I'm sorry. It was selfish of me to assume your feelings. I can't promise that nights like these won't happen again." 

Kurosawa stood up. "Wait here," he murmured. He came back with his handphone, and pressed play on a voice recording. 

It was the original, longer version of their wedding vows that they did in their home. They had used a shorter version for their wedding. 

Both of them were choked up at the end of it. "I meant every word, Kiyoshi. This is what I play at least once, every time I have to travel without you. To remind myself that I have you to come back to. So, please," Kurosawa took Adachi's hand. "learn to trust me." 

Adachi buried his face in Kurosawa's shoulder as he sobbed. Kurosawa clung to Adachi as he cried with his spouse. 

According to Adachi, Kurosawa did not sign up for this. According to Kurosawa, he was sure he did. They have their wedding vows to prove it.

**Author's Note:**

> Adachi!! Confessed back!! To Kurosawa!! They have a date!! (This was written after ep 7.) Also, from ep 8 preview, Kurosawa does NOT know subtle, like damn. He would totally go around announcing that Adachi Kiyoshi is his boyfriend if he could.


End file.
